ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
