So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
