I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Randomize
