he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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