she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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