So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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