sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
