How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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