I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dear god my vagina.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
