I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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