I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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