Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
