is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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