Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
