moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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