this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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