Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
