Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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