I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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