Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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