I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
