I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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