He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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