i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
