Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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