There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
