NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
