I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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