goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
