He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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