That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
