$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need water and some morals
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
