Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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