i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
