she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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