now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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