I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Congratulations! We have a period
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
