Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
