so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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