my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
