At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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