I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
