I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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