It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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