my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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