He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
