I showed him my bush... on skype.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize