a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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