he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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