I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
