You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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