just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize