Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
