I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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