I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
