I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
