BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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