I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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